In my last post I used the word balance. Balance is a word that holds a lot of meaning for me. The reason I draw such meaning from this word is because of a compliment I once received from my Mother. As the story goes, she told me that she respected my decision because I knew what I needed to achieve balance better than she did. She said she was proud of my ability to consistently find that balance between work and play and that she wished that she had found it sooner.
This resonated with me at the time and has continued to do so as I have gotten older. The difference of course being that at the time I only had to balance school and play. Now I have a little more on my plate. I find myself thinking about finding this balance on a weekly basis to ensure that I don’t burn myself out on one thing or another.
As I have grown up and learned about myself, I have learned to sense when the scale is beginning to tilt. However, as I have grown up I have added new arms to the scale. And hence, with more to balance, the management of the scales has escalated in difficulty.
I’ll be the first to admit it, balancing a relationship, family, friends, a dog, future plans, financial goals, financial burdens, health concerns, political concerns, and a career is a lot more taxing than just work vs. play.
The reason I wanted to write about balance today is because I messed it up recently. By that I mean, I thought that I had done all the calculations correctly and balanced what I needed vs. what I wanted and I was wrong. I couldn’t have known I was wrong or right until a point. However, once that point came and went it was too late to make any changes. And so I made my bed – and slept on nails. I don’t usually make mistakes. I think I’ve been very good at avoiding pitfalls in life (knock on wood) but this was a recent bugger of a mistake that has left me reeling.
Therefore, I’m using writing as an outlet to hash this out – to try and make sense of it all. I’ve been trying to really break down my thought processes and see exactly where I went wrong and why. I believe I can see why now. I didn’t account for one variable. It sucks because I should have seen it coming. I should have been able to ask the right questions and account for this properly. But basically, I blinded myself. It’s not a mistake that I’ve made before, but I really hope it’s one I’ll never make again.
Thanks for reading, Cheers.